He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
