Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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