It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
