Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
