what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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