He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
