it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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