I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
