when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
