...so i touched it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
