What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
