so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize