Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
