That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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