Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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