Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize