you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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