a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
