So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
