So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
