i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
