i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize