I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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