I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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