I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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