i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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