Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
