I think scott just propositioned me for sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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