dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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