so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
