She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
