Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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