i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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