Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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