We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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