Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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