Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
