and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
