Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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