Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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