just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
