Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
