If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
