Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i think i just lost a toe
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
