I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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