nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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