He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
