Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
