They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
