Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
