I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
