You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
