just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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