yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
