oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
