Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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