You're earring is so big in my mouth
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
