i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
