I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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