She's JV to your varsity
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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