It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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