can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize