I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
