I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
