we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just blew my weed a kiss
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
