Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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